AIM HIGH, Christian

It's been a while. The business of life; graduating two boys and assisting them as their adulting journey begins; navigating homeschooling an 11-year-old preteen and all of her academic and social activities; keeping up with my own personal calling as a volunteer in my community; dare I forget being a wife to a wonderful husband. These things have left me holding the line for dear life these past few years.

Today is a BIG day. My youngest son set out for United States Air Force Basic Military Training two days ago and today is his first full day at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, TX. Things got real last night around 10 pm ET. I know what is going on, even though my last text was over 12  hours ago. LOTS of new information. LOTS of new faces. LOTS of rules. LOTS of yelling. No time for self. Life for the next eight weeks will be about assimilation, conformity, a singular goal, the BIGGER picture.

The trainees that arrive on base with long hair, personal opinions, unique family situations and diverse backgrounds will be poked and prodded, shaved bald, dressed alike, indoctrinated with the Air Force Core Values, Airman's Creed, Air Force fight song, chants and drills, chow time, PT, rank, military time, chain of command–a whole new vocabulary. They will be pushed to the limits of self denial in order to become one unit ready for what purpose? To preserve and defend the United States' Constitution, ie. FREEDOM for Americans–Not only in war , but in peace-time as well. What a great privilege! What a hard thing to choose. This is my son's calling.

The USAF montra or tag line is "Aim High."  It is interesting that to achieve that goal as an individual, to graduate, to move into a job, to become your own man or woman, to become an effective part of the unit, you must first be broken as an individual. Completely humbled. Submitted to the collective ideal and dependent upon the BASICS-Integrity First, Service Before Self, Excellence in All We Do-USAF Core Values. 

 

As a Christian, isn't this our path as well? 

To be broken in order to finish well?

The Bible instructs us in James chapter 4* that we war with the God because we desire the world! We are to humble ourselves before God, and the result is that HE will exalt us! We must do the hard stuff, deny ourselves–our desire for money, safety, and time–submit to God as Luke tells us in chapter 9 of his gospel**. This means conforming to what God desires–listening to him tell us where to go, how to speak and who to listen to. This means death to self! In the end, this spiritual death secures our FREEDOM. By starting with the BASICS of the Christian life, we prepare ourselves for spiritual battles in the heavenlies that rage around us. As a result we invite peace to rule and reign in our lives. 

What a privilege to be part of such a purpose! I can't think of a more worthy calling.

AIM HIGH, Christian! 

 

 

Christian BASICS 

B

Be Real: You are a sinner.

A

Acknowledge your need for God's saving grace.

S

Say it out loud to your friends and family.

I

Immerse yourself in the waters of baptism.

C

Continue to grow in GRACE by reading scripture, praying and joining a local Bible-believing church.

S

Speak the truth: JESUS is the only answer!

*JAMES 4:1-12

What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from the cravings that are at war within you? ² You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. You do not have because you do not ask. ³ You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your evil desires.

⁴ Adulteresses! Don’t you know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? So whoever wants to be the world’s friend becomes God’s enemy. ⁵ Or do you think it’s without reason the Scripture says that the Spirit who lives in us yearns jealously?

⁶ But He gives greater grace. Therefore He says:

God resists the proud,
but gives grace to the humble.

⁷ Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, sinners, and purify your hearts, double-minded people! ⁹ Be miserable and mourn and weep. Your laughter must change to mourning and your joy to sorrow. ¹⁰ Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will exalt you.

¹¹ Don’t criticize one another, brothers. He who criticizes a brother or judges his brother criticizes the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. ¹² There is one lawgiver and judge who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

 

**LUKE 9:23-27

²³ Then He said to them all, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me. ²⁴ For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. ²⁵ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? ²⁶ For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words, of him the Son of Man will be ashamed when He comes in His own glory, and in His Father’s, and of the holy angels. ²⁷ But I tell you truly, there are some standing here who shall not taste death till they see the kingdom of God.”

 

Without God we are left hopeless and desperate.

After all the years of wandering. 

After depending on God for every single daily provision. Joshua finally arrived in the promised and completed the deliverance of Israel. 

And then...

"Joshua son of Nun, the servant of the Lord, died at the age of 110. They buried him in the territory of his inheritance, in Timnath-heres, in the hill country of Ephraim, north of Mount Gaash. That whole generation was also gathered to their ancestors. After them another generation rose up who did not know the Lord or the works He had done for Israel." (Judges 2:10)

Let's not let this happen to the next generation!

 

When we remove the absolute truth of God and His Story intertwined with our story, we are left with a generation desperately seeking purpose and in need of humility.

 

How are children to answer the most difficult questions of the human heart like "Why am I here?" and "How did I get here?" without the foundation of God's Story firmly established in their hearts? 

Without this knowledge what is left is hopelessness and despair. 

 

But in Christ there is hope. As God's children we have power!

 

No weapon formed against you will succeed, and you will refute any accusation raised against you in court. This is the heritage of the Lord’s servants, and their righteousness is from Me.” This is the Lord’s declaration. (Isaiah 54:17)

What we are facing today is no different than years past. But my heart breaks for this generation all the same.

We must remind our children where we came from, why we are here, and tell them of the hope found in Christ alone!

Join me and meditate and pray Psalm 90, a prayer Moses prayed for God's people over 4,000 years ago:

"Lord, You have been our refuge in every generation. Before the mountains were born, before You gave birth to the earth and the world, from eternity to eternity, 

You are God.

 

You return mankind to the dust, saying, “Return, descendants of Adam.” For in Your sight a thousand years are like yesterday that passes by, like a few hours of the night. You end their lives; they sleep.
They are like grass that grows in the morning—in the morning it sprouts and grows; by evening it withers and dries up. For we are consumed by Your anger; we are terrified by Your wrath. You have set our unjust ways before You, our secret sins in the light of Your presence. For all our days ebb away under Your wrath; we end our years like a sigh. Our lives last seventy years or, if we are strong, eighty years. Even the best of them are struggle and sorrow; indeed, they pass quickly and we fly away. 

Who understands the power of Your anger? 

 

Your wrath matches the fear that is due You. Teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts. Lord—how long? Turn and have compassion on Your servants. Satisfy us in the morning with Your faithful love so that we may shout with joy and be glad all our days. Make us rejoice for as many days as You have humbled us, for as many years as we have seen adversity. Let Your work be seen by Your servants, and Your splendor by their children. 

Let the favor of the Lord our God be on us; establish for us the work of our hands—establish the work of our hands!" AMEN.

(Psalm 90)

Come Thou Fount

The end of summer is near.

We have played, swam, and slept in. We have cleaned out clothes too small, retired school books and filled the shelves with new. We have disposed of hoards of trinkets from who knows where. We are signed up for basketball, martial arts, ballet, and fall classes. We are ready to begin a new school year. Or are we?

Big changes are on the way. My oldest will be driving within the month, my middle child will officially be in high school with an eye on the US Air Force Academy-Go Falcons! We are frantically figuring out high school requirements and transcripts so we don't find ourselves missing anything. My baby isn't a baby anymore. All she can talk about is starting 1st grade, cheerleading competitions, and what! Boys?! She said she "likes" a boy. What. Does. That. Mean. At age 6? TIME SLOW DOWN, PLEASE! I'm not sure my heart can take all this at once!

Amidst our fervor to prepare for what's next, last week more terrifying events unfolded before our very eyes. These were not acts occurring on the other side of the world, in some distant land where unrest festers and oppressed people feel desperate for change. It happened here in our own back yard, Charlottesville, VA. It isn't the first time. Baltimore, Ferguson, Berkley, D.C., Chicago...

I Googled "riots in the US" and a long list stretching back to 1783 appeared: Nat Turner's Slave Rebellion, Detroit Brothel Riots, Know-Nothing Riot, anti-Chinese riot in LA, Buffalo riot of 1967, Days of Rage, Boston Bus Riots, Kent State shooting/riots, Battle of Evarts (right here in KY), and so on... Hundreds of bloody riots all over the US, all throughout our history.

I am an unofficial cultural anthropologist of sorts. I ponder people, culture, places and how people related to each other. I love people. They fascinate me. I could spend hours on the street just observing how people relate to the environment around them. I talk to people. A lot of people. From many different parts of our country. One thing that resonates, without exception, is individual desire to create a better world. To do good. To leave a legacy. I have met a smidgeon of people who have any hostility to any specific group of people-latino, Baptists, Louisville fans, or other. The US is literally full of people with a common vision to create a better country where every person can pursue life, liberty and happiness.

So what's up?

I have been seriously pondering this for many years.

I really think it all comes down to LOVE.

The Bible tells us that God is love. (1 John 4:8) Without God we cannot know love.

OK, many will say this isn't true, God is not required for love-"I am not a believer and I love my kids, my dog, my husband."

The Bible also explains this. There is human love and there is the love that comes from the Spirit of God. Those who are filled with the Spirit experience what 1 John 1:5 describes as "walking in light". For those without the Spirit the experience of love is a feeling. Mark 7:21 tells us that "from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts." The love flowing from the Spirit serves the other. The love flowing from the human heart serves self. The two loves are diametrically opposed to one another. One serves, the other takes. Dietrich Bonhoeffer explains in his book "Life Together" that "human love becomes personal hatred when it encounters genuine spiritual love, which does not desire but serves."

"Human love can never understand spiritual love, for spiritual love is from above; it is something completely strange, new and incomprehensible to all earthly love." Dietrich Bonhoeffer 

Fellowship with God also allows for peaceful fellowship with each other. (Ephesians 2:14)

God is our Peace App. 

Christ's death, burial and resurrection gave us a way to reconcile with God. Christ made peace between us and God. Christ also made peace possible between men.(1) Without Christ we cannot have peace with each other. I Thessalonians 4:9-10 tells us that God is the one who teaches us to love one another.

God is the source of LOVE. 

Without HIM our efforts will continue to fail miserably.

In the end, humans cannot live without community with one another. Our nature of selfishness will spoil it every time unless we tap into a genuine, faithful source of peace and love.

TRUE STORY...

One day, Jesus was talking to a woman at a well. 

She may have been planning to do the washing that day. Maybe she was bathing her children or maybe she was thirsty. Whatever the case, she had to make that long trip to the well in the center of town and lug heavy jugs back to her home, every day. It was a laborious routine, but you can't live without water, right? Jesus came along and offered her water that would relieve her thirst, her need for water, forever-A perpetual spring within (NLT). She jumped at the offer.

He offers us the same thing today. A well-spring of SPIRITUAL LOVE. A love that serves and does not desire to be served. He offers PEACE with our neighbor, whatever the differences between us.

TAKE IT!

It is a never-ending, 

perpetual spring of 

life-giving, 

love-making, 

peace-offering 

LIVING WATER!

Do you have questions about life-changing reconciliation with God, please go to www.considerchrist.org or contact a church near you.

(1) Bonhoeffer, Dietrich. Life Together. Harper Collins Publications ©1954. p. 24 

Something Stinks In Here!

Recently my husband and I switched vehicles for the day so he could do some car maintenance. This always leads to much frustration and anxiety, because my vehicle carries much of my life in so many ways. I keep important information, current reads, coupons and mail in nooks and crannies for quick reference. I stash emergency nabs to appease whiny, hungry kids. But, most of all I keep extra change for my weekly cola fix. My awesome vehicle is equipped with pull down video screens that distract my kids and work duely with the radio so I can actually have a few minutes of talk radio, 80’s jams or simple peace and quiet for the few minutes we travel from one activity to another. Anyway, the vehicle switch stinks for these reasons alone.

This day, my daughter and I planned to run a few errands and visit the Grands. After installing the car seat, clearing out the empty coffee cups and resetting the mirrors and seat adjustments we loaded up and headed out of the drive. Right away I heard Lily say in a nasally voice,

“Something stinks in here!” 

I took a whiff and couldn't smell anything offensive, so I asked, “What does it smell like?” Without pause she responded, “Like a fox's tail.” This struck me as funny and I looked around to see her holding her nose with a disgusted look on her face. My eyes followed hers to the floor board behind my seat. To my surprise, indeed, on the floor behind me was a bushy, red fox tail!

Turns out several days before she and my husband found the poor, departed animal on the side of the road with a beautiful tail still intact. My husband, the country boy he is, couldn’t resist this prize. However, Lily was in no mood to ride along side this “thing” yet again.

This got me to thinking...

 

How often are there things in our lives that stink, and we don’t even recognize they are there?


Not the dirty socks of preteen boys, but the stinkin’ thinkin’ that creeps its way into our day to day. This kind of thinking erodes away our relationships and values. It divides our marriages, families and friendships. These internal piles of garbage can send our moral compass into a frenzy and cloud the judgement of our Holy Spirit connected heart and head. Our joy is depleted, our compassion wavers, and a flood of pessimism depresses our spirit and paralyzes us from living the life God has planned for us.

Where does this come from? 

 

How does it get there?

 

And, what is the solution to this stinkin’ mess?

 

 

 

I think God gives a pretty clear answer in Romans.

Early in the book Paul the Apostle reminds us that there is not one perfect human in all creation-NOT ONE (Romans 3:23) (I guess we are born with stinkin’ thinkin’.) Next, he tells us that the price for sin is death (eternal separation from God) (Romans 6:23). In Chapter 10 he goes on to tell us the good news, that ALL who call on the name of the LORD will be saved from this price! (This is getting exciting!) But, my favorite part comes later, after the understanding of our circumstances really hits home...

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

God tells us to offer our bodies as a gift to HIM... in other words watch what we put in our heads, our hearts, and our minds because at this point, as children of God, we are before HIM all the time-Then offer your life, as it is, to HIM! As a result, your life will be a picture, a testimony, LIVING PROOF of God's perfect will. 

BetterRelationships.

 

Better Values.

 

Better Marriages.

 

Better Judgement.

 

Better Life. 

 

And Absolutely Better Smelling!

 

 

Fall for Family and Friends

I have always loved Halloween. When I was a little girl living out the still hot, rainy October days of Texas, Halloween was the precursor to cooler days and longer nights. Though we didn't have many changing colors, pumpkins and fall festivals signaled the start of the holiday season full of family gatherings and community togetherness. My favorite memory, as a 5th grader, is of the room mothers at my little Christian school dressing up in full make-up and costume of old hags and toiling over a giant cauldron of dry-ice-steaming “witches brew” at the annual Fall Festival. We received handmade gifts, competed in the Cake Walk for homemade goodies and lost ourselves in the mile-long cardboard box maze on the playground of our little school. We dressed up as clowns, pumpkins, sheet ghosts, Raggedy Ann, gangsters, police men or jail birds! The fun was care-free and innocent. Even the “big kids” enjoyed this scene.

As I enter into the Halloween week with my kids, I can’t help but realize just how much things have changed. This year, my fun-loving, oldest has decided to skip the holiday all together. He feels “convicted” that there is too much evil involved in the celebration of Halloween. I respect and support his decision, but am saddened by the fact that he will never enjoy this time of year from the perspective I always have, and still do. On the other hand, my middle son and I continue the battle as he begs to join his ever maturing group of friends for terrifying visits to the “Slaughter House,” “Scream Park,” and “Fright Night!” His choice of costume pushes my limits every year and we are challenged to keep him engaged in a more tempered celebration including our own church’s Trunk or Treat, carving Jack-O-Lanterns, and some local trick or treating with a few family friendly garage haunted houses along the way.

The thing is, we love a reason to PARTY-To be silly, celebrate with family and friends- To experience life together. There is a long, dry spell following July 4th and we need some fun! Halloween is the answer to our desire for community.

DESPERATE FOR COMMUNITY.

This week a friend shared her feelings of loneliness and exclusion. She is surrounded by little ones all day long and has few opportunities to get out. Even church groups aren’t “kid friendly” anymore. She shared with me that she and her husband were invited to join a Life Group at church, only to find out that they had to hire a sitter because kids weren’t included. As I listened to her, all my memories of being a young mama, feeling lonely and isolated, flooded my mind. I remember praying I would never forget and that I would do something about it when I had the freedom. I have met many mamas along the way who feel exactly this way, but this one hit home since we go to church together.

What has happened to us? Are we so busy “doing” life that we have no time to “live” life together?

I am burdened by this question, and as the homeschooling mom of three, I wonder what kind of example this is setting for my kids.

In Matthew 22:36-40 scripture says, “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
 
God created us to be in relationship with HIM and with others. Why would he make the greatest commandment to LOVE if HE didn’t mean for us to have opportunities to LOVE? 

 Our Life Group kids celebrating a birthday!

 
I don’t have the answer, but I am convinced that something needs to change. I am prayerfully seeking God’s wisdom and guidance. In the mean time, I think I will call my Life Group and plan a get-together. We might even invite a new family to the table.

And, YES! Kids are always welcome!

 

The Knowing

Every new year one Biblical scripture stands out among all others and it becomes my “theme” for the year. This year New Year's Eve came and went. The boys spent the night at a Church Progressive NYE party while I slept. The pastor delivered the New Year’s sermon and we started back to school. I realized about half way through January that I was without a “theme scripture” for the year. I began earnestly seeking God for that scripture that would command and direct my life for 2015!

I heard NOTHING...

Well, as we say, life happened, and I moved on without a covering of direction... or so I thought. Then, out of the blue, while daydreaming about boys learning algebra, mountains of laundry, and overwhelming financial concerns-the written words appeared to me in my mind,

That was it! 
My “theme” for 2015. Like a shot of caffeine, a sugar high, an endorphin rush, peace “like a river” washed over me and the cares and concerns of the moment vanished! They were replaced with a “knowing” that
God. IS. IN. CONTROL. 
BUT, I falter...
Will my kids get all that they need as homeschooled individuals?
What if my daughter is always this bossy?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
What if I can't make any extra income?
How are we going to pay for the car fixes this month?
Where did the time go? Where do I find the time?
These worries snatch away God's control in my life. They distract me and leave me chasing rabbits. I end up spending a lot of time “researching” better methods of saving money, raising kids and building teams rather than searching the WORD for direction, answers, and what I already know... that
GOD. IS. IN. CONTROL.
He has a plan to prosper me as an individual. As a wife, mom, and teacher. As a business woman. As a minister of the Gospel. Let the idols, obsessions, fear, doubts, addictions, unforgiveness, and discontent vanish with the
KNOWING
that in my own strength,
I can NOT,
but by HIS POWER 
God CAN!

Live FREE

Well, it has been a whirlwind of a summer-pool visits, canning homegrown goodness, VBS, Boy Scout camp, Church camp, and the juggling of several professional hats. All this adds up to one exhausted Mama who is ready to go on vacation! But, OH! School starts THIS WEEK! Where did the time go? And, was it wasted or savored? 

Tonight we celebrated the ending of one of our more exciting summer activities, our church community’s version of the reality series, “The Amazing Race.” The theme was “Pitch Black” based on Hebrews 11:1 and alluding to the fact that as Christians we walk in faith through unknown times but can ALWAYS TRUST God to KNOW and DIRECT US even though we cannot see HIM!

As we sat in the Church gym and watched the replay video that condensed 8-3 hour events into 20 minutes of loud Christian music, crazy activity and close up smiling faces. (BTW Faces dripping wet, covered in whipped cream, stuffed with marshmallows, or laughing out loud.) I thought back to my Sunday school lesson this morning and realized just how relevant (and valuable) this experience was for me and my children.

In I Samuel 8, the people of Israel express discontent with Samuel as their Judge. They demand that they be allowed to have a king, LIKE ALL OTHER NATIONS. God reminds Samuel that by expressing unhappiness with Samuel, the people are actually expressing unhappiness with God’s own decision. Samuel explains to the people that a king would only subdue and enslave the people of Israel, but they are persistent and God advises Samuel to go ahead and listen to the request. God chooses Saul to be the first King over Israel.

OK, WAIT A MINUTE! 
Does this sound even a little bit familiar to any other parent out there? How many times in the last week have I heard my children say, “But Mom, everyone else can watch that movie,” or “Everyone else can play that game,” or “Everyone else can eat that food! Why can’t we?”

So, what does this have to do with “The Amazing Race?”

Well, my most “discontented” son was hesitant about participating in “The Amazing Race.” I’m not sure if it was the anticipation of the unexpected or the fact that he would rather be playing video games that made him oppositional, but it took some poking and prodding to persuade him to go.

And, he absolutely had more fun than either of us hoped! 

By creating an opportunity for children to engage without the pressure of
RATINGS,
CRAVINGS
or HYPE,
we showed our kids that they can enjoying having fun within set limits! For these savored moments, they were unified, unafraid to be authentic, free to laugh along with
EVERYONE ELSE!
They experienced a sense of belonging and enjoyed working towards a goal that wasn’t all about themselves. The challenges of this game were NEVER going to lead them to sin or put them in a place of subjugation or enslavement, as so many temptations outside of our parenting boxes do.
GOOD. 
CLEAN. 
FUN.
.... GREAT CONCEPT!

As a parent I am grateful for this experience. All of the work and preparation that went into planning these events are nothing compared to the practical AND spiritual lessons learned along the way.
I believe God is super proud of our Church family for coming together to pull this off. I am super blessed to know God was in it every step of the way!

I am also encouraged to find more GOOD. CLEAN. FUN. activities that will engage and challenge my kids without tempting them to push the limits that I, and God, have set for them.
I want them to live FREE!

From Peace to Righteousness With Love!

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18 NIV

It has taken me a full 43 years, and counting, to really grasp the meaning of the words of James. But lately  I realize that the less I try to dominate a situation, the more control I have over the situation, even in parenting!

So, let's back up for a minute. When I married in 1998, I wasn’t a “yeller.” In fact, yelling made me quite anxious. (It disrupted my natural “LIBRA” need for balance.) I remember a mildly heated argument between my father and aunt when I was about eleven years old that sent my brother and me into hiding under the bed. BUT, having kids, especially one particularly high maintenance child, changed all that. I learned quickly that confronting a situation head-on was the only was to “nip it in the bud,” as Barney Fife would say! Sad to say I absolutely failed in my delivery for many of the last 13 years! As God has sown seeds of truth, faith, and revelation into my life, I have slowly, but surely begun to approach conflict with a more gentle spirit. Some of this comes from relaxing and letting my natural personality “live,” some is the result of some amazing mentoring and role models God has put in my life, and finally filling up with daily TRUTH (The Words of God).

Here are some observations from the past 43 years of life regarding relationships and parenting...

FIRST...

You must remember that maintaining/restoring relationship with your child is the most important aspect of any situation... timetables, emotions, expectations, aside. Gary Black advised me of this over 15 years ago, and I think about it every day. You must realize this to fully grasp what James is saying in 3:17-18.

NEXT...

Honesty is the best policy. Always pursue a situation with complete, authenticity. Sometimes this is uncomfortable or awkward, but always works in building trust and respect. Your children see through the mask, if you are wearing one!

THIRD...

Admit when you are wrong! This is the “submissive” part of James 3:17 in action.

FOURTH...

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you are sharing, you are allowing your children to understand your heart and motivation. Even if the subject seems a little “heady” say it anyway. They will understand eventually, and be wiser and grateful for it!

FINALLY...

Never forget that or our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). Guess what? You and your children are on the same side! When I realized this, it was much easier for me to hug my child and move forward in love!

I am still on this journey and make mistakes every day. But most days my faith is greater, my will is weaker and HE is stronger!

Peace out!

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

Life in the house has been crazy...
Laundry sits waiting to be folded and put away, dishes climb higher in the sink, pencils, paper, books, Barbies, shoes- shoes, muddy and wet stacked by the door... I am weary with retracing my steps as I tidy and vaccuum, wash and fuss over little things because they seem easier to tackle than the big stuff. Remembering the horrid long division...  more adverbs and adjectives... the moans and groans of preteen boys who would rather be out in the dirt...

There are days when a girl just needs to walk away and breathe...

So, when most families are sunning themselves on a lonesome beach somewhere far away or hiking breathtaking views over Spring Break, I went back to work for three days!

And... I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!

I awoke early, ready before any other head rose off a pillow.. before the fussing and arguments of the morning duties. I kissed the sleepy heads with whispers of love and drove off with my Arbonne shake and NPR on the radio...

ALONE IN MY VAN.

ALONE.

Into the sunrise for a full 30 minutes before I arrived to my OWN cubicle, with other ADULTS to tackle ALL adult problems for just ONE day at a time for THREE WHOLE DAYS!! I sat at my desk, laughed with coworkers, talked about my beautiful children, strategized about pasta and marveled over new creative applications I had never imagined...

AND made my own money for THREE. WHOLE. DAYS. AND, it felt great!!
 
Today as I am back in my reality, as I fuss through the morning duties and argue about appropriate clothing for the weather forecast, I feel blessed beyond measure. To come home to arms open wide, a whiney little girl who missed her Mamma and can’t get enough cuddle time, boys grown taller in a week, unending questions about tornadoes, splinters, puppies and tall tales of monsters in the woods- this is HEAVEN. Three days away was great, but nothing compares to this! God, in all his sovereignty chose me for this life, these children, this husband, and this day!

I didn’t know what the dream was,

but I know I AM LIVIN’ IT!

Deep Roots

A life lesson that will benefit my children!

It is hard to keep on topic. Sometimes homeschooling gets boring, like in the summer when nothing is really going on and LIFE takes the front seat. So, I will drift today into more worldly happenings.

So, I’ve been looking at my younger brothers photos of him and his latest squeeze. As I stare at this hip and gorgeous pair, I am getting this strange feeling that I am becoming the out-of-touch big sister... when did I become so conservative? (Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with conservative, but I used to have a little fun with my style!) Sitting here thinking about it, I realize that I must have let go when I started avoiding mall visits for quick runs to Walmart. I guess I never really liked shopping, so now that I really don’t have time, I just don’t do it. When I go to any store I head straight for the Children’s Clothes and/or Home & Garden departments.

Looking back, these things that defined me in my past like wearing the latest trends, listening to the best new music, or spending Friday nights with cool people made me feel like I belonged to something.... hmmmm, loose roots. As I have grown up, sought the LORD and built my own family, I suppose that I don’t need these things to feel connected anymore. I have grown deeper roots, connected to the ONE constant, the ONE who will NEVER change, NEVER expect more than I can give, NEVER leave. Though I had a lot of fun finding the perfect hand bag and best fitting jeans, I can honestly say that my sense of security, joy and hope are much more real to me now than any other time in my life.

After observing my beautiful brother, I have a renewed desire to be a little bit more concerned with style, but this no longer defines me and no longer links me to a loose sense of joy, hope or belonging!

2 Corinthians 3:17

Written earlier this year.

The learning never stops, even when the blog does.

Wow! It’s been 3 months!
I intended to map my homeschooling journey every month, but here it is the day before June begins and it has been three months since my last post. This is a testament to just how crazy life is when homeschooling, running kids to this practice and that event, Church activities, and basically living the life of a single mom, since the best husband in the world is working all the time to provide for all of our “want thats.”
So, we just finished up our last week of the first year of our homeschooling journey! Yippee! Of course the boys are thrilled that I am not coming up the stairs at 8am singing “Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory...”, but I am super excited that, by the grace of God-even though we didn’t finish every workbook page, or read to the very end of “Old World History” -both boys are ready to move on to the next level! I actually think that our decision to home-school has made them enjoy reading and learning more. I am happy to have an extra hour of quiet in the morning to sip tea and read my increasing list of favorite blog posts!

 (Isn’t she cute? I just had to add this in!)

I love me a home-school convention!
Over the last several months I found the time to go to the Great Home-school Convention in Cincinnati-without children. (Yes, my sweet Charles took off two days of work to stay home with “mama spoiled” Lily!) While there, I attended some amazing workshops lead by speakers like Sean McDowell, John Stonestreet, and Scott Klusendorf, and was able to get face to face with curriculum writers and publishers to discuss learning styles and techniques, the pros and cons of unit studies vs classical curriculum and even the psychology of boys! I spent a great deal of time watching the families with eight and ten children, and becoming more and more thankful at just how peaceful my life really is. (This hallucination lasted until I walked in my front door the next day!) The culmination of my two days of reverie is that we are trying something new next year. In fact, I already received it in the mail and seeing it all laid out even has my most sullen student smiling and looking forward to next semester! We have decided to use the Sonlight curriculum. And, even though many former Sonlight moms have told me that they became absolutely tongue-tied and sick of reading another word, the actor/storyteller in me is excited to show off a bit each day for my boys-and girl! (We purchased the preschool level too.) You see, my theory is that we adore movie stars because they entertain us and make us “feel.” So, here we go! Through a system of using stories to learn history, geography, literature, vocabulary and become a better listener, reader and thinker, Mama will be the adored star! SICK, right? -But you will try anything to hold on just one more day to a couple of preteen boys with everything but Mama on their minds! Anyway, I have great hopes that this new style will increase all of our enjoyment for school time!

Summer Lovin’ & Learnin’
Our journey of learning doesn’t stop in the summer, even though we put away the curriculum and workbooks. Until the new semester starts, we are reading aloud “Peter Pan,” and “The Magician’s Nephew.” I will be reading “A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet” by Sophie Hudson and trying to finish “Les Miserables.” The boys are both on a “Hardy Boys” kick and will be working through the most enticing titles in that series! Lily just picks board books at random from the lowest library shelves-she LOVES to read. We read whatever she picks out several times over until we pick new ones next week! We will visit a few museums on really hot days, go to the zoo at least once and attend a few sporting events. I do believe in a little R&R and we will all be sufficiently rested to start a new semester in the fall.

Promises. Oh, Sweet Promises.
Last week, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed [moved, affected, maybe a bit beaten] with it all and noticed beautiful rainbow. No! As we looked closer it was a double rainbow! We even pulled off the road to record the memory, because in that moment I could see clearly God’s divine hand weaving together the promises that HE made to me years ago when he gifted us with our first baby boy! Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind, “I know the promises I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

GRACE: No Strings Attached

I spent the early morning setting out Valentines and special treats. My heart beat fluttered with anticipation to share in our children’s excitement of opening love letters from Mom and Dad and discovering sweet treats! 


What makes this day different than any other day? 
 (Our children receive hugs & kisses, notes of praise and sweet treats often.)

Unmerited favor-love without any strings attached-makes it different. Words to make the heart sing and sweets to make the mouth water-without condition.  “Mmmm....,” the whole body responds.

Unmerited favor which is GRACE.

In this moment when we all feel equal and included. Each one a part of the whole with value and purpose. See, in our sin we naturally favor those who please us most. As a mother, I am so tuned into the training of our children that I often lose myself to admonishing guidance and forget to let the liberating love flow. These “Valentine moments” build confidence and security into our children. They are reassured of their place in the family and in our hearts.

The brightness of their eyes and the laughter of their mouths is a joyful reminder of exactly how it feels to be touched by the Grace of God-His unmerited favor liberally poured out to us through the death and resurrection of Christ. 

This Grace includes,
gives purpose,
and builds confidence.

This Grace never has strings attached! 

A More Beloved Son

While writing in my journal today, I described my 11 year old son as creative, imaginative, thoughtful, impulsive, pursuasive, tenacious, eager, independent, artistice, “out of the box,” and brilliant! 

When Charlie was two years old he would lay on the kitchen floor banging his head on the tile throwing a kind of temper tantrum. There was usually no warning to these outbursts and it usually took physically restraining him for some time to calm him down. We had to constantly redirect his gaze to make him look us in the eye when we spoke to him. He impulsively punched others, threw things, demanded his way, hyper-focused on tasks he enjoyed, but he could not follow directions without being distracted. He never used complete sentences even though he talked nonstop. Granny said it was the “terrible twos,” that every child is different and things would change when he started school. Even the pediatrician saw no red flags and sent me home temporarily relieved. I clung to this theory until three years old passed and he started preschool. My boy couldn’t control himself from kicking the boy under the seat next to him or pulling the braids of the girl in front of him? He didn’t read social cues. For instance, when someone was upset, he couldn’t sense their distress and would continue tossing balloons at them or shouting in their ear. He climbed on the desks, opened cabinets and drawers during “seat work time,” and bit the little girl next to him. I was mortified and panick-stricken. We had tried every means of discipline, child-training tools and prayer possible. Needless to say, in the beginning Charlie was not easy to parent.

We began consulting professionals, asking questions and finding answers. Ultimately Charlie was diagnosed with Expressive Language Disorder and ADHD. I began to notice common traits of Asperger’s, which is a mild form of autism, and runs in my family. Despite these things, he tested highly intelligent, creative and sympathetic. With this information I began gathering information about schools in the area. At the time I did not consider homeschooling as an option. I knew a few families who home-schooled their children and it seemed too daunting a task with a child who already pushed me to the limits of my ability. We chose to enroll Charlie in a local Montessori program where he seemed to thrive and grow through first grade when he promoted to the traditional classroom environment. Academically, Charlie excelled. He seemed to struggle relating to his peers and, in hind sight, was often over-stimulated by the typical classroom routine. However, to me, everything seemed manageable and “typical.” Because most children with ADHD are two to four years more socially immature than their peers, the looming middle school years began to weigh on my mind. So, I started to consider the home-schooling option. As we began to seek God and pray about our decision, we gained clarity and insight for the situation and decided that it was the right choice for our family and our children.

Five months into this journey, Charlie’s progress is simply miraculous! I didn’t actually have any specific expectations other than to hold off the inevitable. But, as I sit here writing, I realize God has been at work! First, we are filling in the gaps in his education thus far, discovering his interests and strengths, and tailoring his education so that learning is no longer a chore, but a discovery. Math, History, Spelling, Language, and Science are all so easy for him, I am amazed! He would rather learn by experiment rather than read a book, but he is developing a love for gathering information through reading. Weekly time with our Church and Coop Groups is helping refine his social skills in an intentional, limited environment that sets him up for success rather than failure. He is making friends and enjoying people his own age as never before. Recently he had a disagreement with another boy in class. I sent them to the back of the room to discuss and resolve the issue. To my surprise-I just knew I was going to have to break up a fight- I looked over to see them shaking hands and smiling at each other. They worked it out on their own! Charlie has matured in many unexpected ways such as his willingness to participate in family activities, care for his little sister and his attitude toward his brother. The best part is that I am learning to love my son for all of his eccentricities! I have more time to look at the latest LEGO masterpiece, listen to his imaginative ramblings-and appreciate their origins, and more time to help correct wrong thinking and habits. The benefits to the relationship by staying home and committting my present to his future have so far been priceless and worth every sacrificed solitary moment!

Lessons from Jacob

We are reading through the Bible instead of following a specific curriculum or Bible study. I figure that the kids will experience plenty of “studies” throughout life, but to read and learn directly from God’s Word is a great place to start! We are deep into learning about Jacob and his deceptively shrewd dealings. The boys are incensed and we can’t believe how God just keeps on blessing the socks off this man! At one point the sweetest of sweet 9-year-olds says, “Wouldn’t it be fun if we could just read the Bible all day and find out what happens?!” STOP! choke* sniff* Isn’t this why I am doing this? You know what I'm talking about if you have been called by God to home school, and for no other reason on earth, continue to sacrifice self day by day by day to make a lame attempt to educate your kids to live a life pleasing to the LORD in all things. I imagined that I would still be wrestling them out of bed every morning only to struggle through our devotional time. But, to see a hunger for the WORD of God is more than I could have ever asked for at this point! Wow.

2013 Resolve

We were beginning the wrap up of the last week of our first semester homeschooling. It felt great to have reached some of my goals. I was even glad to have some unchecked boxes, because nobody is perfect, right? Humility can be very motivating. All in all, I think we deserve an “A” for effort in this first season.
However, a profound, personal lesson came in an unexpected way when the news of the Connecticut shootings blind sided me a week before our Christmas break. All of my preparation for a final burst of excitement, celebration and joy in the last week came to a standstill... Suddenly I was paralyzed, grieving with each parent, grandparent, cousin, friend, neighbor, coworker interviewed... I was glued to the “breaking news”... stolen moments compounded upon each other. I was selfishly frustrated that I had to administer tests, help finalize book report editing, and complete a factoring unit. I felt angry and hostile that I had responsibilities. My “mama-craze” continued to spin out of control and I began longing for daytime TV, coffee with friends and morning workouts.... those checked boxes no longer meant a thing! Humility? What?

This battle between my “God Calling” and the “ME factor” got me thinking. Do I have the right to “The Life I Want?” Truth is, my time is not “mine.” My life is not “mine.” Until now, the full impact of this truth had never occurred to me in this way. As I dug deep, I realized that I had not fully exchanged my handwritten story for God’s divine story for my life. I said yes to the big picture, but I was arguing with HIM every step of the way, trying to edit His draft.

Isaiah 43:1 says that God has called us by name-that we belong to Him. In Proverbs 20:24 Solomon tells us that “a person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can (I) understand (my) own way?” In Matthew 5:47 Jesus reminds us that God is perfect. So, we are HIS, HE knows/directs our path and HE is perfect... Hmmmm....

There may be events that legitimately take my eyes off of the task, but my attitude and commitment can and should remain the same. I can trust a God who is perfect, has a perfect plan and knows the perfect way. I can stop arguing and listen. Ok, here’s to more of HIM and less of me in 2013!

NEW Shoes: JOY and Pain

Sam has needed new shoes for about three months. The biggest problem has been that Sam loves the “fancy” shoes. You know the ones that cost $100+ and are only available in a few sizes for a short time. The pressure... the pressure. So I ask you, what about the fact that he is only 9? What about the fact that his foot is growing 1/2 size every 3 months? What about that fact that these shoes will be worn everywhere from backyard baseball to hiking through fields full of cowslip?
When we decided to take the home-schooling journey, I stopped working 30+ hours a week. The money I made at a part time job and doing graphic design on the side was our “fun” money. I could usually stash enough away for special purchases, summer vacations and anniversary gifts. All of a sudden, I have a more clothes conscious son with a growing interest in being “cool” and no “fun” money. This does not mean NO shoes. This just means NO to those shoes. Dilemma... dilemma... So we have said “no” for three months. There have been several trips to at least four different athletic shoe stores. There have been many tears and frustrated sighs-from both sides. Sam needs a new pair of shoes. Why all the drama? Why the delay? Is one pair of shoes standing between me and my precious child’s happiness?
I have been stalling. Not because I don’t want my boy to have new shoes. Not because I don’t see the need for new shoes. Not at all because I would not love to see his face light up when I said “yes.” I have been stalling because I am bothered by the position of Sam’s heart. You see, Sam has been unwilling to be guided by our (his parents’) limits, or persuaded by our logic. He has stubbornly held his position that he deserves the shoes of his choosing regardless of the effect his choice has on anyone else.
Saturday was the Grand Opening for a new HIBBETT’s sporting goods store in our town. I had promised we could go. (Dread... Here we go again... Another scene, another attempt at reason, more tears and another “bad mom” day.) To my surprise Sam voluntarily picked out two shoes, both within my set limits. With this, I took the opportunity to explain that if he chose the cheaper pair, he could also pick out a new sweatshirt for Christmas. I left it up to him. He met me at the checkout counter with the cheaper pair and a new sweatshirt! As I watched him, his eyes shining, chest puffed up with joy, I felt like I would burst with pride too. The long wait, tears and frustration, and seeing those ugly worn out shoes for three months too long had paid off-BIG TIME!
It reminded me of our first memory verse for the year, Proverbs 10:1, A wise son brings joy to a father’s (and mother’s) heart...
Cultivating a heart of humility, submission, and wisdom takes time. Looking back, three months doesn’t seem so long for such a valuable lesson learned!

Sam showing off his new shoes!

Home-schoolin’ or BUST!

Home-schoolin’ 2012 or BUST!

My husband has always wanted us to home-school our children. I have always said, “Absolutely NOT!” I would need a heart transplant for that to happen. Well, during my oldest son’s 4th grade year at a wonderful private, Catholic school I began to feel the chest pains. As the end of the year rolled around, I was suffering with conviction and knew the decision had already been made. I could go kicking and screaming, or join the party and submit to this “call” on my life. By the middle of summer break I felt confident that God had prepared my heart to home-school our three children, Charlie, 11, Sam, 9, and Lily, 1.5. As irony would have it, by the second and third weeks of September, I began wondering if all of the suffering and submission really meant for us to home-school, or that I just starting to go through “the change?” Over the next months, however, with the support of a great group of home-school moms and LOTS of prayer we have begun to work out the kinks. We actually practice reading, writing and arithmetic every day! Up to this point, I think this is a very HARD job. But, every day I am more and more confident in God’s provision to finish well.

Some of the things that have been huge blessings are: I feel like I am no longer just a drill sergeant, ordering everyone around, but I am an active participant in the kids’ lives every day. We are able to work through problems and share in the excitement of the discovery together. (I am much more excited about math discoveries at this point!) We are studying the Bible together and they can’t get enough of crazy magicians, fiery furnaces, Nebuchadnezzar and all of his shenanigans! I LOVE seeing them so excited about scripture! (This is the BEST part of homeschooling!) We are also catching up on some basic concepts that they both failed to master in school. We always get enough sleep, and we are never in a hurry in the morning. We have been able to plan doctors’ appts, piano lessons and other activities during the day without the busyness of waiting for other kids to start or finish. The boys really miss friends, but have more quality time with them when we do see them since time spent is intentional. I think their relationships are stronger as a result. All in all, I have many more positives than negatives.

As far as the negatives, they are not worth mentioning right now. With God’s grace, I am very content personally. I thought I would be discontent without my busy graphics work and more time to myself. But, so far, the only thing I have HAD to add is time for exercise.

As for the boys’ opinions, they both say that they like the shorter school days and more time to spend with the family, watching Lily's milestones, and free time. I think they enjoy learning more, and are more excited for time with friends and sports. I think they are more grateful in general.

Sam working away in the school room.

 Lily working on learning to read.

 Charlie likes snacking while working!

We covet all prayers offered on our behalf! One day at a time is my new motto!