Something Stinks In Here!

Recently my husband and I switched vehicles for the day so he could do some car maintenance. This always leads to much frustration and anxiety, because my vehicle carries much of my life in so many ways. I keep important information, current reads, coupons and mail in nooks and crannies for quick reference. I stash emergency nabs to appease whiny, hungry kids. But, most of all I keep extra change for my weekly cola fix. My awesome vehicle is equipped with pull down video screens that distract my kids and work duely with the radio so I can actually have a few minutes of talk radio, 80’s jams or simple peace and quiet for the few minutes we travel from one activity to another. Anyway, the vehicle switch stinks for these reasons alone.

This day, my daughter and I planned to run a few errands and visit the Grands. After installing the car seat, clearing out the empty coffee cups and resetting the mirrors and seat adjustments we loaded up and headed out of the drive. Right away I heard Lily say in a nasally voice,

“Something stinks in here!” 

I took a whiff and couldn't smell anything offensive, so I asked, “What does it smell like?” Without pause she responded, “Like a fox's tail.” This struck me as funny and I looked around to see her holding her nose with a disgusted look on her face. My eyes followed hers to the floor board behind my seat. To my surprise, indeed, on the floor behind me was a bushy, red fox tail!

Turns out several days before she and my husband found the poor, departed animal on the side of the road with a beautiful tail still intact. My husband, the country boy he is, couldn’t resist this prize. However, Lily was in no mood to ride along side this “thing” yet again.

This got me to thinking...

 

How often are there things in our lives that stink, and we don’t even recognize they are there?


Not the dirty socks of preteen boys, but the stinkin’ thinkin’ that creeps its way into our day to day. This kind of thinking erodes away our relationships and values. It divides our marriages, families and friendships. These internal piles of garbage can send our moral compass into a frenzy and cloud the judgement of our Holy Spirit connected heart and head. Our joy is depleted, our compassion wavers, and a flood of pessimism depresses our spirit and paralyzes us from living the life God has planned for us.

Where does this come from? 

 

How does it get there?

 

And, what is the solution to this stinkin’ mess?

 

 

 

I think God gives a pretty clear answer in Romans.

Early in the book Paul the Apostle reminds us that there is not one perfect human in all creation-NOT ONE (Romans 3:23) (I guess we are born with stinkin’ thinkin’.) Next, he tells us that the price for sin is death (eternal separation from God) (Romans 6:23). In Chapter 10 he goes on to tell us the good news, that ALL who call on the name of the LORD will be saved from this price! (This is getting exciting!) But, my favorite part comes later, after the understanding of our circumstances really hits home...

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:1-2 (NIV)

God tells us to offer our bodies as a gift to HIM... in other words watch what we put in our heads, our hearts, and our minds because at this point, as children of God, we are before HIM all the time-Then offer your life, as it is, to HIM! As a result, your life will be a picture, a testimony, LIVING PROOF of God's perfect will. 

BetterRelationships.

 

Better Values.

 

Better Marriages.

 

Better Judgement.

 

Better Life. 

 

And Absolutely Better Smelling!

 

 

Fall for Family and Friends

I have always loved Halloween. When I was a little girl living out the still hot, rainy October days of Texas, Halloween was the precursor to cooler days and longer nights. Though we didn't have many changing colors, pumpkins and fall festivals signaled the start of the holiday season full of family gatherings and community togetherness. My favorite memory, as a 5th grader, is of the room mothers at my little Christian school dressing up in full make-up and costume of old hags and toiling over a giant cauldron of dry-ice-steaming “witches brew” at the annual Fall Festival. We received handmade gifts, competed in the Cake Walk for homemade goodies and lost ourselves in the mile-long cardboard box maze on the playground of our little school. We dressed up as clowns, pumpkins, sheet ghosts, Raggedy Ann, gangsters, police men or jail birds! The fun was care-free and innocent. Even the “big kids” enjoyed this scene.

As I enter into the Halloween week with my kids, I can’t help but realize just how much things have changed. This year, my fun-loving, oldest has decided to skip the holiday all together. He feels “convicted” that there is too much evil involved in the celebration of Halloween. I respect and support his decision, but am saddened by the fact that he will never enjoy this time of year from the perspective I always have, and still do. On the other hand, my middle son and I continue the battle as he begs to join his ever maturing group of friends for terrifying visits to the “Slaughter House,” “Scream Park,” and “Fright Night!” His choice of costume pushes my limits every year and we are challenged to keep him engaged in a more tempered celebration including our own church’s Trunk or Treat, carving Jack-O-Lanterns, and some local trick or treating with a few family friendly garage haunted houses along the way.

The thing is, we love a reason to PARTY-To be silly, celebrate with family and friends- To experience life together. There is a long, dry spell following July 4th and we need some fun! Halloween is the answer to our desire for community.

DESPERATE FOR COMMUNITY.

This week a friend shared her feelings of loneliness and exclusion. She is surrounded by little ones all day long and has few opportunities to get out. Even church groups aren’t “kid friendly” anymore. She shared with me that she and her husband were invited to join a Life Group at church, only to find out that they had to hire a sitter because kids weren’t included. As I listened to her, all my memories of being a young mama, feeling lonely and isolated, flooded my mind. I remember praying I would never forget and that I would do something about it when I had the freedom. I have met many mamas along the way who feel exactly this way, but this one hit home since we go to church together.

What has happened to us? Are we so busy “doing” life that we have no time to “live” life together?

I am burdened by this question, and as the homeschooling mom of three, I wonder what kind of example this is setting for my kids.

In Matthew 22:36-40 scripture says, “Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
 
God created us to be in relationship with HIM and with others. Why would he make the greatest commandment to LOVE if HE didn’t mean for us to have opportunities to LOVE? 

 Our Life Group kids celebrating a birthday!

 
I don’t have the answer, but I am convinced that something needs to change. I am prayerfully seeking God’s wisdom and guidance. In the mean time, I think I will call my Life Group and plan a get-together. We might even invite a new family to the table.

And, YES! Kids are always welcome!

 

The Knowing

Every new year one Biblical scripture stands out among all others and it becomes my “theme” for the year. This year New Year's Eve came and went. The boys spent the night at a Church Progressive NYE party while I slept. The pastor delivered the New Year’s sermon and we started back to school. I realized about half way through January that I was without a “theme scripture” for the year. I began earnestly seeking God for that scripture that would command and direct my life for 2015!

I heard NOTHING...

Well, as we say, life happened, and I moved on without a covering of direction... or so I thought. Then, out of the blue, while daydreaming about boys learning algebra, mountains of laundry, and overwhelming financial concerns-the written words appeared to me in my mind,

That was it! 
My “theme” for 2015. Like a shot of caffeine, a sugar high, an endorphin rush, peace “like a river” washed over me and the cares and concerns of the moment vanished! They were replaced with a “knowing” that
God. IS. IN. CONTROL. 
BUT, I falter...
Will my kids get all that they need as homeschooled individuals?
What if my daughter is always this bossy?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
What if I can't make any extra income?
How are we going to pay for the car fixes this month?
Where did the time go? Where do I find the time?
These worries snatch away God's control in my life. They distract me and leave me chasing rabbits. I end up spending a lot of time “researching” better methods of saving money, raising kids and building teams rather than searching the WORD for direction, answers, and what I already know... that
GOD. IS. IN. CONTROL.
He has a plan to prosper me as an individual. As a wife, mom, and teacher. As a business woman. As a minister of the Gospel. Let the idols, obsessions, fear, doubts, addictions, unforgiveness, and discontent vanish with the
KNOWING
that in my own strength,
I can NOT,
but by HIS POWER 
God CAN!

Live FREE

Well, it has been a whirlwind of a summer-pool visits, canning homegrown goodness, VBS, Boy Scout camp, Church camp, and the juggling of several professional hats. All this adds up to one exhausted Mama who is ready to go on vacation! But, OH! School starts THIS WEEK! Where did the time go? And, was it wasted or savored? 

Tonight we celebrated the ending of one of our more exciting summer activities, our church community’s version of the reality series, “The Amazing Race.” The theme was “Pitch Black” based on Hebrews 11:1 and alluding to the fact that as Christians we walk in faith through unknown times but can ALWAYS TRUST God to KNOW and DIRECT US even though we cannot see HIM!

As we sat in the Church gym and watched the replay video that condensed 8-3 hour events into 20 minutes of loud Christian music, crazy activity and close up smiling faces. (BTW Faces dripping wet, covered in whipped cream, stuffed with marshmallows, or laughing out loud.) I thought back to my Sunday school lesson this morning and realized just how relevant (and valuable) this experience was for me and my children.

In I Samuel 8, the people of Israel express discontent with Samuel as their Judge. They demand that they be allowed to have a king, LIKE ALL OTHER NATIONS. God reminds Samuel that by expressing unhappiness with Samuel, the people are actually expressing unhappiness with God’s own decision. Samuel explains to the people that a king would only subdue and enslave the people of Israel, but they are persistent and God advises Samuel to go ahead and listen to the request. God chooses Saul to be the first King over Israel.

OK, WAIT A MINUTE! 
Does this sound even a little bit familiar to any other parent out there? How many times in the last week have I heard my children say, “But Mom, everyone else can watch that movie,” or “Everyone else can play that game,” or “Everyone else can eat that food! Why can’t we?”

So, what does this have to do with “The Amazing Race?”

Well, my most “discontented” son was hesitant about participating in “The Amazing Race.” I’m not sure if it was the anticipation of the unexpected or the fact that he would rather be playing video games that made him oppositional, but it took some poking and prodding to persuade him to go.

And, he absolutely had more fun than either of us hoped! 

By creating an opportunity for children to engage without the pressure of
RATINGS,
CRAVINGS
or HYPE,
we showed our kids that they can enjoying having fun within set limits! For these savored moments, they were unified, unafraid to be authentic, free to laugh along with
EVERYONE ELSE!
They experienced a sense of belonging and enjoyed working towards a goal that wasn’t all about themselves. The challenges of this game were NEVER going to lead them to sin or put them in a place of subjugation or enslavement, as so many temptations outside of our parenting boxes do.
GOOD. 
CLEAN. 
FUN.
.... GREAT CONCEPT!

As a parent I am grateful for this experience. All of the work and preparation that went into planning these events are nothing compared to the practical AND spiritual lessons learned along the way.
I believe God is super proud of our Church family for coming together to pull this off. I am super blessed to know God was in it every step of the way!

I am also encouraged to find more GOOD. CLEAN. FUN. activities that will engage and challenge my kids without tempting them to push the limits that I, and God, have set for them.
I want them to live FREE!

From Peace to Righteousness With Love!

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18 NIV

It has taken me a full 43 years, and counting, to really grasp the meaning of the words of James. But lately  I realize that the less I try to dominate a situation, the more control I have over the situation, even in parenting!

So, let's back up for a minute. When I married in 1998, I wasn’t a “yeller.” In fact, yelling made me quite anxious. (It disrupted my natural “LIBRA” need for balance.) I remember a mildly heated argument between my father and aunt when I was about eleven years old that sent my brother and me into hiding under the bed. BUT, having kids, especially one particularly high maintenance child, changed all that. I learned quickly that confronting a situation head-on was the only was to “nip it in the bud,” as Barney Fife would say! Sad to say I absolutely failed in my delivery for many of the last 13 years! As God has sown seeds of truth, faith, and revelation into my life, I have slowly, but surely begun to approach conflict with a more gentle spirit. Some of this comes from relaxing and letting my natural personality “live,” some is the result of some amazing mentoring and role models God has put in my life, and finally filling up with daily TRUTH (The Words of God).

Here are some observations from the past 43 years of life regarding relationships and parenting...

FIRST...

You must remember that maintaining/restoring relationship with your child is the most important aspect of any situation... timetables, emotions, expectations, aside. Gary Black advised me of this over 15 years ago, and I think about it every day. You must realize this to fully grasp what James is saying in 3:17-18.

NEXT...

Honesty is the best policy. Always pursue a situation with complete, authenticity. Sometimes this is uncomfortable or awkward, but always works in building trust and respect. Your children see through the mask, if you are wearing one!

THIRD...

Admit when you are wrong! This is the “submissive” part of James 3:17 in action.

FOURTH...

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you are sharing, you are allowing your children to understand your heart and motivation. Even if the subject seems a little “heady” say it anyway. They will understand eventually, and be wiser and grateful for it!

FINALLY...

Never forget that or our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). Guess what? You and your children are on the same side! When I realized this, it was much easier for me to hug my child and move forward in love!

I am still on this journey and make mistakes every day. But most days my faith is greater, my will is weaker and HE is stronger!

Peace out!

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

Life in the house has been crazy...
Laundry sits waiting to be folded and put away, dishes climb higher in the sink, pencils, paper, books, Barbies, shoes- shoes, muddy and wet stacked by the door... I am weary with retracing my steps as I tidy and vaccuum, wash and fuss over little things because they seem easier to tackle than the big stuff. Remembering the horrid long division...  more adverbs and adjectives... the moans and groans of preteen boys who would rather be out in the dirt...

There are days when a girl just needs to walk away and breathe...

So, when most families are sunning themselves on a lonesome beach somewhere far away or hiking breathtaking views over Spring Break, I went back to work for three days!

And... I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!

I awoke early, ready before any other head rose off a pillow.. before the fussing and arguments of the morning duties. I kissed the sleepy heads with whispers of love and drove off with my Arbonne shake and NPR on the radio...

ALONE IN MY VAN.

ALONE.

Into the sunrise for a full 30 minutes before I arrived to my OWN cubicle, with other ADULTS to tackle ALL adult problems for just ONE day at a time for THREE WHOLE DAYS!! I sat at my desk, laughed with coworkers, talked about my beautiful children, strategized about pasta and marveled over new creative applications I had never imagined...

AND made my own money for THREE. WHOLE. DAYS. AND, it felt great!!
 
Today as I am back in my reality, as I fuss through the morning duties and argue about appropriate clothing for the weather forecast, I feel blessed beyond measure. To come home to arms open wide, a whiney little girl who missed her Mamma and can’t get enough cuddle time, boys grown taller in a week, unending questions about tornadoes, splinters, puppies and tall tales of monsters in the woods- this is HEAVEN. Three days away was great, but nothing compares to this! God, in all his sovereignty chose me for this life, these children, this husband, and this day!

I didn’t know what the dream was,

but I know I AM LIVIN’ IT!

Deep Roots

A life lesson that will benefit my children!

It is hard to keep on topic. Sometimes homeschooling gets boring, like in the summer when nothing is really going on and LIFE takes the front seat. So, I will drift today into more worldly happenings.

So, I’ve been looking at my younger brothers photos of him and his latest squeeze. As I stare at this hip and gorgeous pair, I am getting this strange feeling that I am becoming the out-of-touch big sister... when did I become so conservative? (Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with conservative, but I used to have a little fun with my style!) Sitting here thinking about it, I realize that I must have let go when I started avoiding mall visits for quick runs to Walmart. I guess I never really liked shopping, so now that I really don’t have time, I just don’t do it. When I go to any store I head straight for the Children’s Clothes and/or Home & Garden departments.

Looking back, these things that defined me in my past like wearing the latest trends, listening to the best new music, or spending Friday nights with cool people made me feel like I belonged to something.... hmmmm, loose roots. As I have grown up, sought the LORD and built my own family, I suppose that I don’t need these things to feel connected anymore. I have grown deeper roots, connected to the ONE constant, the ONE who will NEVER change, NEVER expect more than I can give, NEVER leave. Though I had a lot of fun finding the perfect hand bag and best fitting jeans, I can honestly say that my sense of security, joy and hope are much more real to me now than any other time in my life.

After observing my beautiful brother, I have a renewed desire to be a little bit more concerned with style, but this no longer defines me and no longer links me to a loose sense of joy, hope or belonging!

2 Corinthians 3:17

Written earlier this year.