I spent the early morning setting out Valentines and special treats. My heart beat fluttered with anticipation to share in our children’s excitement of opening love letters from Mom and Dad and discovering sweet treats!
What makes this day different than any other day?
(Our children receive hugs & kisses, notes of praise and sweet treats often.)
Unmerited favor-love without any strings attached-makes it different. Words to make the heart sing and sweets to make the mouth water-without condition. “Mmmm....,” the whole body responds.
Unmerited favor which is GRACE.
In this moment when we all feel equal and included. Each one a part of the whole with value and purpose. See, in our sin we naturally favor those who please us most. As a mother, I am so tuned into the training of our children that I often lose myself to admonishing guidance and forget to let the liberating love flow. These “Valentine moments” build confidence and security into our children. They are reassured of their place in the family and in our hearts.
The brightness of their eyes and the laughter of their mouths is a joyful reminder of exactly how it feels to be touched by the Grace of God-His unmerited favor liberally poured out to us through the death and resurrection of Christ.
This Grace includes,
gives purpose,
and builds confidence.
This Grace never has strings attached!
Friday, February 15, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
A More Beloved Son
While writing in my journal today, I described my 11 year old son as creative, imaginative, thoughtful, impulsive, pursuasive, tenacious, eager, independent, artistice, “out of the box,” and brilliant!
When Charlie was two years old he would lay on the kitchen floor banging his head on the tile throwing a kind of temper tantrum. There was usually no warning to these outbursts and it usually took physically restraining him for some time to calm him down. We had to constantly redirect his gaze to make him look us in the eye when we spoke to him. He impulsively punched others, threw things, demanded his way, hyper-focused on tasks he enjoyed, but he could not follow directions without being distracted. He never used complete sentences even though he talked nonstop. Granny said it was the “terrible twos,” that every child is different and things would change when he started school. Even the pediatrician saw no red flags and sent me home temporarily relieved. I clung to this theory until three years old passed and he started preschool. My boy couldn’t control himself from kicking the boy under the seat next to him or pulling the braids of the girl in front of him? He didn’t read social cues. For instance, when someone was upset, he couldn’t sense their distress and would continue tossing balloons at them or shouting in their ear. He climbed on the desks, opened cabinets and drawers during “seat work time,” and bit the little girl next to him. I was mortified and panick-stricken. We had tried every means of discipline, child-training tools and prayer possible. Needless to say, in the beginning Charlie was not easy to parent.
We began consulting professionals, asking questions and finding answers. Ultimately Charlie was diagnosed with Expressive Language Disorder and ADHD. I began to notice common traits of Asperger’s, which is a mild form of autism, and runs in my family. Despite these things, he tested highly intelligent, creative and sympathetic. With this information I began gathering information about schools in the area. At the time I did not consider homeschooling as an option. I knew a few families who home-schooled their children and it seemed too daunting a task with a child who already pushed me to the limits of my ability. We chose to enroll Charlie in a local Montessori program where he seemed to thrive and grow through first grade when he promoted to the traditional classroom environment. Academically, Charlie excelled. He seemed to struggle relating to his peers and, in hind sight, was often over-stimulated by the typical classroom routine. However, to me, everything seemed manageable and “typical.” Because most children with ADHD are two to four years more socially immature than their peers, the looming middle school years began to weigh on my mind. So, I started to consider the home-schooling option. As we began to seek God and pray about our decision, we gained clarity and insight for the situation and decided that it was the right choice for our family and our children.
Five months into this journey, Charlie’s progress is simply miraculous! I didn’t actually have any specific expectations other than to hold off the inevitable. But, as I sit here writing, I realize God has been at work! First, we are filling in the gaps in his education thus far, discovering his interests and strengths, and tailoring his education so that learning is no longer a chore, but a discovery. Math, History, Spelling, Language, and Science are all so easy for him, I am amazed! He would rather learn by experiment rather than read a book, but he is developing a love for gathering information through reading. Weekly time with our Church and Coop Groups is helping refine his social skills in an intentional, limited environment that sets him up for success rather than failure. He is making friends and enjoying people his own age as never before. Recently he had a disagreement with another boy in class. I sent them to the back of the room to discuss and resolve the issue. To my surprise-I just knew I was going to have to break up a fight- I looked over to see them shaking hands and smiling at each other. They worked it out on their own! Charlie has matured in many unexpected ways such as his willingness to participate in family activities, care for his little sister and his attitude toward his brother. The best part is that I am learning to love my son for all of his eccentricities! I have more time to look at the latest LEGO masterpiece, listen to his imaginative ramblings-and appreciate their origins, and more time to help correct wrong thinking and habits. The benefits to the relationship by staying home and committting my present to his future have so far been priceless and worth every sacrificed solitary moment!
When Charlie was two years old he would lay on the kitchen floor banging his head on the tile throwing a kind of temper tantrum. There was usually no warning to these outbursts and it usually took physically restraining him for some time to calm him down. We had to constantly redirect his gaze to make him look us in the eye when we spoke to him. He impulsively punched others, threw things, demanded his way, hyper-focused on tasks he enjoyed, but he could not follow directions without being distracted. He never used complete sentences even though he talked nonstop. Granny said it was the “terrible twos,” that every child is different and things would change when he started school. Even the pediatrician saw no red flags and sent me home temporarily relieved. I clung to this theory until three years old passed and he started preschool. My boy couldn’t control himself from kicking the boy under the seat next to him or pulling the braids of the girl in front of him? He didn’t read social cues. For instance, when someone was upset, he couldn’t sense their distress and would continue tossing balloons at them or shouting in their ear. He climbed on the desks, opened cabinets and drawers during “seat work time,” and bit the little girl next to him. I was mortified and panick-stricken. We had tried every means of discipline, child-training tools and prayer possible. Needless to say, in the beginning Charlie was not easy to parent.
We began consulting professionals, asking questions and finding answers. Ultimately Charlie was diagnosed with Expressive Language Disorder and ADHD. I began to notice common traits of Asperger’s, which is a mild form of autism, and runs in my family. Despite these things, he tested highly intelligent, creative and sympathetic. With this information I began gathering information about schools in the area. At the time I did not consider homeschooling as an option. I knew a few families who home-schooled their children and it seemed too daunting a task with a child who already pushed me to the limits of my ability. We chose to enroll Charlie in a local Montessori program where he seemed to thrive and grow through first grade when he promoted to the traditional classroom environment. Academically, Charlie excelled. He seemed to struggle relating to his peers and, in hind sight, was often over-stimulated by the typical classroom routine. However, to me, everything seemed manageable and “typical.” Because most children with ADHD are two to four years more socially immature than their peers, the looming middle school years began to weigh on my mind. So, I started to consider the home-schooling option. As we began to seek God and pray about our decision, we gained clarity and insight for the situation and decided that it was the right choice for our family and our children.
Five months into this journey, Charlie’s progress is simply miraculous! I didn’t actually have any specific expectations other than to hold off the inevitable. But, as I sit here writing, I realize God has been at work! First, we are filling in the gaps in his education thus far, discovering his interests and strengths, and tailoring his education so that learning is no longer a chore, but a discovery. Math, History, Spelling, Language, and Science are all so easy for him, I am amazed! He would rather learn by experiment rather than read a book, but he is developing a love for gathering information through reading. Weekly time with our Church and Coop Groups is helping refine his social skills in an intentional, limited environment that sets him up for success rather than failure. He is making friends and enjoying people his own age as never before. Recently he had a disagreement with another boy in class. I sent them to the back of the room to discuss and resolve the issue. To my surprise-I just knew I was going to have to break up a fight- I looked over to see them shaking hands and smiling at each other. They worked it out on their own! Charlie has matured in many unexpected ways such as his willingness to participate in family activities, care for his little sister and his attitude toward his brother. The best part is that I am learning to love my son for all of his eccentricities! I have more time to look at the latest LEGO masterpiece, listen to his imaginative ramblings-and appreciate their origins, and more time to help correct wrong thinking and habits. The benefits to the relationship by staying home and committting my present to his future have so far been priceless and worth every sacrificed solitary moment!
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