It has taken me a full 43 years, and counting, to really grasp the meaning of the words of James. But lately I realize that the less I try to dominate a situation, the more control I have over the situation, even in parenting!
So, let's back up for a minute. When I married in 1998, I wasn’t a “yeller.” In fact, yelling made me quite anxious. (It disrupted my natural “LIBRA” need for balance.) I remember a mildly heated argument between my father and aunt when I was about eleven years old that sent my brother and me into hiding under the bed. BUT, having kids, especially one particularly high maintenance child, changed all that. I learned quickly that confronting a situation head-on was the only was to “nip it in the bud,” as Barney Fife would say! Sad to say I absolutely failed in my delivery for many of the last 13 years! As God has sown seeds of truth, faith, and revelation into my life, I have slowly, but surely begun to approach conflict with a more gentle spirit. Some of this comes from relaxing and letting my natural personality “live,” some is the result of some amazing mentoring and role models God has put in my life, and finally filling up with daily TRUTH (The Words of God).
Here are some observations from the past 43 years of life regarding relationships and parenting...
FIRST...
You must remember that maintaining/restoring relationship with your child is the most important aspect of any situation... timetables, emotions, expectations, aside. Gary Black advised me of this over 15 years ago, and I think about it every day. You must realize this to fully grasp what James is saying in 3:17-18.NEXT...
Honesty is the best policy. Always pursue a situation with complete, authenticity. Sometimes this is uncomfortable or awkward, but always works in building trust and respect. Your children see through the mask, if you are wearing one!THIRD...
Admit when you are wrong! This is the “submissive” part of James 3:17 in action.FOURTH...
Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you are sharing, you are allowing your children to understand your heart and motivation. Even if the subject seems a little “heady” say it anyway. They will understand eventually, and be wiser and grateful for it!FINALLY...
Never forget that or our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). Guess what? You and your children are on the same side! When I realized this, it was much easier for me to hug my child and move forward in love!
I am still on this journey and make mistakes every day. But most days my faith is greater, my will is weaker and HE is stronger!
