Live FREE

Well, it has been a whirlwind of a summer-pool visits, canning homegrown goodness, VBS, Boy Scout camp, Church camp, and the juggling of several professional hats. All this adds up to one exhausted Mama who is ready to go on vacation! But, OH! School starts THIS WEEK! Where did the time go? And, was it wasted or savored? 

Tonight we celebrated the ending of one of our more exciting summer activities, our church community’s version of the reality series, “The Amazing Race.” The theme was “Pitch Black” based on Hebrews 11:1 and alluding to the fact that as Christians we walk in faith through unknown times but can ALWAYS TRUST God to KNOW and DIRECT US even though we cannot see HIM!

As we sat in the Church gym and watched the replay video that condensed 8-3 hour events into 20 minutes of loud Christian music, crazy activity and close up smiling faces. (BTW Faces dripping wet, covered in whipped cream, stuffed with marshmallows, or laughing out loud.) I thought back to my Sunday school lesson this morning and realized just how relevant (and valuable) this experience was for me and my children.

In I Samuel 8, the people of Israel express discontent with Samuel as their Judge. They demand that they be allowed to have a king, LIKE ALL OTHER NATIONS. God reminds Samuel that by expressing unhappiness with Samuel, the people are actually expressing unhappiness with God’s own decision. Samuel explains to the people that a king would only subdue and enslave the people of Israel, but they are persistent and God advises Samuel to go ahead and listen to the request. God chooses Saul to be the first King over Israel.

OK, WAIT A MINUTE! 
Does this sound even a little bit familiar to any other parent out there? How many times in the last week have I heard my children say, “But Mom, everyone else can watch that movie,” or “Everyone else can play that game,” or “Everyone else can eat that food! Why can’t we?”

So, what does this have to do with “The Amazing Race?”

Well, my most “discontented” son was hesitant about participating in “The Amazing Race.” I’m not sure if it was the anticipation of the unexpected or the fact that he would rather be playing video games that made him oppositional, but it took some poking and prodding to persuade him to go.

And, he absolutely had more fun than either of us hoped! 

By creating an opportunity for children to engage without the pressure of
RATINGS,
CRAVINGS
or HYPE,
we showed our kids that they can enjoying having fun within set limits! For these savored moments, they were unified, unafraid to be authentic, free to laugh along with
EVERYONE ELSE!
They experienced a sense of belonging and enjoyed working towards a goal that wasn’t all about themselves. The challenges of this game were NEVER going to lead them to sin or put them in a place of subjugation or enslavement, as so many temptations outside of our parenting boxes do.
GOOD. 
CLEAN. 
FUN.
.... GREAT CONCEPT!

As a parent I am grateful for this experience. All of the work and preparation that went into planning these events are nothing compared to the practical AND spiritual lessons learned along the way.
I believe God is super proud of our Church family for coming together to pull this off. I am super blessed to know God was in it every step of the way!

I am also encouraged to find more GOOD. CLEAN. FUN. activities that will engage and challenge my kids without tempting them to push the limits that I, and God, have set for them.
I want them to live FREE!

From Peace to Righteousness With Love!

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness. James 3:17-18 NIV

It has taken me a full 43 years, and counting, to really grasp the meaning of the words of James. But lately  I realize that the less I try to dominate a situation, the more control I have over the situation, even in parenting!

So, let's back up for a minute. When I married in 1998, I wasn’t a “yeller.” In fact, yelling made me quite anxious. (It disrupted my natural “LIBRA” need for balance.) I remember a mildly heated argument between my father and aunt when I was about eleven years old that sent my brother and me into hiding under the bed. BUT, having kids, especially one particularly high maintenance child, changed all that. I learned quickly that confronting a situation head-on was the only was to “nip it in the bud,” as Barney Fife would say! Sad to say I absolutely failed in my delivery for many of the last 13 years! As God has sown seeds of truth, faith, and revelation into my life, I have slowly, but surely begun to approach conflict with a more gentle spirit. Some of this comes from relaxing and letting my natural personality “live,” some is the result of some amazing mentoring and role models God has put in my life, and finally filling up with daily TRUTH (The Words of God).

Here are some observations from the past 43 years of life regarding relationships and parenting...

FIRST...

You must remember that maintaining/restoring relationship with your child is the most important aspect of any situation... timetables, emotions, expectations, aside. Gary Black advised me of this over 15 years ago, and I think about it every day. You must realize this to fully grasp what James is saying in 3:17-18.

NEXT...

Honesty is the best policy. Always pursue a situation with complete, authenticity. Sometimes this is uncomfortable or awkward, but always works in building trust and respect. Your children see through the mask, if you are wearing one!

THIRD...

Admit when you are wrong! This is the “submissive” part of James 3:17 in action.

FOURTH...

Communicate, communicate, communicate. If you are sharing, you are allowing your children to understand your heart and motivation. Even if the subject seems a little “heady” say it anyway. They will understand eventually, and be wiser and grateful for it!

FINALLY...

Never forget that or our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 6:12). Guess what? You and your children are on the same side! When I realized this, it was much easier for me to hug my child and move forward in love!

I am still on this journey and make mistakes every day. But most days my faith is greater, my will is weaker and HE is stronger!

Peace out!

LIVIN’ THE DREAM

Life in the house has been crazy...
Laundry sits waiting to be folded and put away, dishes climb higher in the sink, pencils, paper, books, Barbies, shoes- shoes, muddy and wet stacked by the door... I am weary with retracing my steps as I tidy and vaccuum, wash and fuss over little things because they seem easier to tackle than the big stuff. Remembering the horrid long division...  more adverbs and adjectives... the moans and groans of preteen boys who would rather be out in the dirt...

There are days when a girl just needs to walk away and breathe...

So, when most families are sunning themselves on a lonesome beach somewhere far away or hiking breathtaking views over Spring Break, I went back to work for three days!

And... I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE!

I awoke early, ready before any other head rose off a pillow.. before the fussing and arguments of the morning duties. I kissed the sleepy heads with whispers of love and drove off with my Arbonne shake and NPR on the radio...

ALONE IN MY VAN.

ALONE.

Into the sunrise for a full 30 minutes before I arrived to my OWN cubicle, with other ADULTS to tackle ALL adult problems for just ONE day at a time for THREE WHOLE DAYS!! I sat at my desk, laughed with coworkers, talked about my beautiful children, strategized about pasta and marveled over new creative applications I had never imagined...

AND made my own money for THREE. WHOLE. DAYS. AND, it felt great!!
 
Today as I am back in my reality, as I fuss through the morning duties and argue about appropriate clothing for the weather forecast, I feel blessed beyond measure. To come home to arms open wide, a whiney little girl who missed her Mamma and can’t get enough cuddle time, boys grown taller in a week, unending questions about tornadoes, splinters, puppies and tall tales of monsters in the woods- this is HEAVEN. Three days away was great, but nothing compares to this! God, in all his sovereignty chose me for this life, these children, this husband, and this day!

I didn’t know what the dream was,

but I know I AM LIVIN’ IT!

Deep Roots

A life lesson that will benefit my children!

It is hard to keep on topic. Sometimes homeschooling gets boring, like in the summer when nothing is really going on and LIFE takes the front seat. So, I will drift today into more worldly happenings.

So, I’ve been looking at my younger brothers photos of him and his latest squeeze. As I stare at this hip and gorgeous pair, I am getting this strange feeling that I am becoming the out-of-touch big sister... when did I become so conservative? (Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with conservative, but I used to have a little fun with my style!) Sitting here thinking about it, I realize that I must have let go when I started avoiding mall visits for quick runs to Walmart. I guess I never really liked shopping, so now that I really don’t have time, I just don’t do it. When I go to any store I head straight for the Children’s Clothes and/or Home & Garden departments.

Looking back, these things that defined me in my past like wearing the latest trends, listening to the best new music, or spending Friday nights with cool people made me feel like I belonged to something.... hmmmm, loose roots. As I have grown up, sought the LORD and built my own family, I suppose that I don’t need these things to feel connected anymore. I have grown deeper roots, connected to the ONE constant, the ONE who will NEVER change, NEVER expect more than I can give, NEVER leave. Though I had a lot of fun finding the perfect hand bag and best fitting jeans, I can honestly say that my sense of security, joy and hope are much more real to me now than any other time in my life.

After observing my beautiful brother, I have a renewed desire to be a little bit more concerned with style, but this no longer defines me and no longer links me to a loose sense of joy, hope or belonging!

2 Corinthians 3:17

Written earlier this year.

The learning never stops, even when the blog does.

Wow! It’s been 3 months!
I intended to map my homeschooling journey every month, but here it is the day before June begins and it has been three months since my last post. This is a testament to just how crazy life is when homeschooling, running kids to this practice and that event, Church activities, and basically living the life of a single mom, since the best husband in the world is working all the time to provide for all of our “want thats.”
So, we just finished up our last week of the first year of our homeschooling journey! Yippee! Of course the boys are thrilled that I am not coming up the stairs at 8am singing “Rise and shine and give God the glory, glory...”, but I am super excited that, by the grace of God-even though we didn’t finish every workbook page, or read to the very end of “Old World History” -both boys are ready to move on to the next level! I actually think that our decision to home-school has made them enjoy reading and learning more. I am happy to have an extra hour of quiet in the morning to sip tea and read my increasing list of favorite blog posts!

 (Isn’t she cute? I just had to add this in!)

I love me a home-school convention!
Over the last several months I found the time to go to the Great Home-school Convention in Cincinnati-without children. (Yes, my sweet Charles took off two days of work to stay home with “mama spoiled” Lily!) While there, I attended some amazing workshops lead by speakers like Sean McDowell, John Stonestreet, and Scott Klusendorf, and was able to get face to face with curriculum writers and publishers to discuss learning styles and techniques, the pros and cons of unit studies vs classical curriculum and even the psychology of boys! I spent a great deal of time watching the families with eight and ten children, and becoming more and more thankful at just how peaceful my life really is. (This hallucination lasted until I walked in my front door the next day!) The culmination of my two days of reverie is that we are trying something new next year. In fact, I already received it in the mail and seeing it all laid out even has my most sullen student smiling and looking forward to next semester! We have decided to use the Sonlight curriculum. And, even though many former Sonlight moms have told me that they became absolutely tongue-tied and sick of reading another word, the actor/storyteller in me is excited to show off a bit each day for my boys-and girl! (We purchased the preschool level too.) You see, my theory is that we adore movie stars because they entertain us and make us “feel.” So, here we go! Through a system of using stories to learn history, geography, literature, vocabulary and become a better listener, reader and thinker, Mama will be the adored star! SICK, right? -But you will try anything to hold on just one more day to a couple of preteen boys with everything but Mama on their minds! Anyway, I have great hopes that this new style will increase all of our enjoyment for school time!

Summer Lovin’ & Learnin’
Our journey of learning doesn’t stop in the summer, even though we put away the curriculum and workbooks. Until the new semester starts, we are reading aloud “Peter Pan,” and “The Magician’s Nephew.” I will be reading “A Little Salty to Cut the Sweet” by Sophie Hudson and trying to finish “Les Miserables.” The boys are both on a “Hardy Boys” kick and will be working through the most enticing titles in that series! Lily just picks board books at random from the lowest library shelves-she LOVES to read. We read whatever she picks out several times over until we pick new ones next week! We will visit a few museums on really hot days, go to the zoo at least once and attend a few sporting events. I do believe in a little R&R and we will all be sufficiently rested to start a new semester in the fall.

Promises. Oh, Sweet Promises.
Last week, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed [moved, affected, maybe a bit beaten] with it all and noticed beautiful rainbow. No! As we looked closer it was a double rainbow! We even pulled off the road to record the memory, because in that moment I could see clearly God’s divine hand weaving together the promises that HE made to me years ago when he gifted us with our first baby boy! Jeremiah 29:11 came to mind, “I know the promises I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

GRACE: No Strings Attached

I spent the early morning setting out Valentines and special treats. My heart beat fluttered with anticipation to share in our children’s excitement of opening love letters from Mom and Dad and discovering sweet treats! 


What makes this day different than any other day? 
 (Our children receive hugs & kisses, notes of praise and sweet treats often.)

Unmerited favor-love without any strings attached-makes it different. Words to make the heart sing and sweets to make the mouth water-without condition.  “Mmmm....,” the whole body responds.

Unmerited favor which is GRACE.

In this moment when we all feel equal and included. Each one a part of the whole with value and purpose. See, in our sin we naturally favor those who please us most. As a mother, I am so tuned into the training of our children that I often lose myself to admonishing guidance and forget to let the liberating love flow. These “Valentine moments” build confidence and security into our children. They are reassured of their place in the family and in our hearts.

The brightness of their eyes and the laughter of their mouths is a joyful reminder of exactly how it feels to be touched by the Grace of God-His unmerited favor liberally poured out to us through the death and resurrection of Christ. 

This Grace includes,
gives purpose,
and builds confidence.

This Grace never has strings attached! 

A More Beloved Son

While writing in my journal today, I described my 11 year old son as creative, imaginative, thoughtful, impulsive, pursuasive, tenacious, eager, independent, artistice, “out of the box,” and brilliant! 

When Charlie was two years old he would lay on the kitchen floor banging his head on the tile throwing a kind of temper tantrum. There was usually no warning to these outbursts and it usually took physically restraining him for some time to calm him down. We had to constantly redirect his gaze to make him look us in the eye when we spoke to him. He impulsively punched others, threw things, demanded his way, hyper-focused on tasks he enjoyed, but he could not follow directions without being distracted. He never used complete sentences even though he talked nonstop. Granny said it was the “terrible twos,” that every child is different and things would change when he started school. Even the pediatrician saw no red flags and sent me home temporarily relieved. I clung to this theory until three years old passed and he started preschool. My boy couldn’t control himself from kicking the boy under the seat next to him or pulling the braids of the girl in front of him? He didn’t read social cues. For instance, when someone was upset, he couldn’t sense their distress and would continue tossing balloons at them or shouting in their ear. He climbed on the desks, opened cabinets and drawers during “seat work time,” and bit the little girl next to him. I was mortified and panick-stricken. We had tried every means of discipline, child-training tools and prayer possible. Needless to say, in the beginning Charlie was not easy to parent.

We began consulting professionals, asking questions and finding answers. Ultimately Charlie was diagnosed with Expressive Language Disorder and ADHD. I began to notice common traits of Asperger’s, which is a mild form of autism, and runs in my family. Despite these things, he tested highly intelligent, creative and sympathetic. With this information I began gathering information about schools in the area. At the time I did not consider homeschooling as an option. I knew a few families who home-schooled their children and it seemed too daunting a task with a child who already pushed me to the limits of my ability. We chose to enroll Charlie in a local Montessori program where he seemed to thrive and grow through first grade when he promoted to the traditional classroom environment. Academically, Charlie excelled. He seemed to struggle relating to his peers and, in hind sight, was often over-stimulated by the typical classroom routine. However, to me, everything seemed manageable and “typical.” Because most children with ADHD are two to four years more socially immature than their peers, the looming middle school years began to weigh on my mind. So, I started to consider the home-schooling option. As we began to seek God and pray about our decision, we gained clarity and insight for the situation and decided that it was the right choice for our family and our children.

Five months into this journey, Charlie’s progress is simply miraculous! I didn’t actually have any specific expectations other than to hold off the inevitable. But, as I sit here writing, I realize God has been at work! First, we are filling in the gaps in his education thus far, discovering his interests and strengths, and tailoring his education so that learning is no longer a chore, but a discovery. Math, History, Spelling, Language, and Science are all so easy for him, I am amazed! He would rather learn by experiment rather than read a book, but he is developing a love for gathering information through reading. Weekly time with our Church and Coop Groups is helping refine his social skills in an intentional, limited environment that sets him up for success rather than failure. He is making friends and enjoying people his own age as never before. Recently he had a disagreement with another boy in class. I sent them to the back of the room to discuss and resolve the issue. To my surprise-I just knew I was going to have to break up a fight- I looked over to see them shaking hands and smiling at each other. They worked it out on their own! Charlie has matured in many unexpected ways such as his willingness to participate in family activities, care for his little sister and his attitude toward his brother. The best part is that I am learning to love my son for all of his eccentricities! I have more time to look at the latest LEGO masterpiece, listen to his imaginative ramblings-and appreciate their origins, and more time to help correct wrong thinking and habits. The benefits to the relationship by staying home and committting my present to his future have so far been priceless and worth every sacrificed solitary moment!