We were beginning the wrap up of the last week of our first semester homeschooling. It felt great to have reached some of my goals. I was even glad to have some unchecked boxes, because nobody is perfect, right? Humility can be very motivating. All in all, I think we deserve an “A” for effort in this first season.
However, a profound, personal lesson came in an unexpected way when the news of the Connecticut shootings blind sided me a week before our Christmas break. All of my preparation for a final burst of excitement, celebration and joy in the last week came to a standstill... Suddenly I was paralyzed, grieving with each parent, grandparent, cousin, friend, neighbor, coworker interviewed... I was glued to the “breaking news”... stolen moments compounded upon each other. I was selfishly frustrated that I had to administer tests, help finalize book report editing, and complete a factoring unit. I felt angry and hostile that I had responsibilities. My “mama-craze” continued to spin out of control and I began longing for daytime TV, coffee with friends and morning workouts.... those checked boxes no longer meant a thing! Humility? What?
This battle between my “God Calling” and the “ME factor” got me thinking. Do I have the right to “The Life I Want?” Truth is, my time is not “mine.” My life is not “mine.” Until now, the full impact of this truth had never occurred to me in this way. As I dug deep, I realized that I had not fully exchanged my handwritten story for God’s divine story for my life. I said yes to the big picture, but I was arguing with HIM every step of the way, trying to edit His draft.
Isaiah 43:1 says that God has called us by name-that we belong to Him. In Proverbs 20:24 Solomon tells us that “a person’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can (I) understand (my) own way?” In Matthew 5:47 Jesus reminds us that God is perfect. So, we are HIS, HE knows/directs our path and HE is perfect... Hmmmm....
There may be events that legitimately take my eyes off of the task, but my attitude and commitment can and should remain the same. I can trust a God who is perfect, has a perfect plan and knows the perfect way. I can stop arguing and listen. Ok, here’s to more of HIM and less of me in 2013!
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